It's interesting and well written so far . Gita seems like a pleasant character, and some of the scenes you've described in this chapter (particularly the description of the vision and, later, the map) were quite vivid.
However, it might be a bit more effective if some of the descriptions were simplified. I think you might have used a bit too many adjectives and adverbs in some portions and maybe some of them could be cut. I also found the second sentence a little distracting. The phrases 'in percussion' and 'in residence' don't seem to fit the words they're describing.
Despite this, I still really liked it. I hope you finish this story!
I will try and re-work some of those descriptions, or balance them out a bit. I really appreciate your input!! I'll be uploading more chapters either tonight or tomorrow. I have 5 completed and I'm working on chapter 6. I will finish this book!
Sta.sh
However, it might be a bit more effective if some of the descriptions were simplified. I think you might have used a bit too many adjectives and adverbs in some portions and maybe some of them could be cut. I also found the second sentence a little distracting. The phrases 'in percussion' and 'in residence' don't seem to fit the words they're describing.
Despite this, I still really liked it. I hope you finish this story!